You are pregnant with your second (or 3rd or 4th) baby! But how will you prepare your toddler for a new sibling?? This is a legitimate concern and very understandable. Your toddler has had your undivided attention their whole life. They haven’t had to share Mom with anyone. Your mind may be racing with so many questions like “How to prepare a toddler for a new baby? Should my toddler meet the baby at the hospital or home? How do you help an older sibling adjust to a new baby? Or when should I start preparing my toddler for a new baby?”
It is okay to have these questions! You are a great mom and you can do this! I’m going to share some mom tips on how to help prepare your toddler for a new sibling.
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When Should I Tell My Toddler About a New Baby?
This is completely up to you and your family! I would recommend the sooner you tell your toddler the better. One thing you want to remember is toddlers will not understand having to keep the pregnancy news a secret. If you are planning on waiting until your second trimester to announce your pregnancy then maybe you should wait and tell your toddler then too. The sooner your toddler knows the sooner you can begin talking excitedly about what it’ll be like to be a big sibling and the sooner you can begin preparing them!
How Do I Tell My Toddler About a New Sibling?
There is no right or wrong answer! You can make a fun announcement with your toddler or just tell them. We told our toddlers “Mommy has a baby in my tummy!”. We then showed the ultrasound picture to them so they could see the baby.
Be sure to remind your toddler that even though a new baby is growing in mommy’s tummy you still have plenty of love for them both.
How Will My Toddler React to a New Baby?
This will vary. Toddlers can have many different reactions to a new baby in the house. You have to remember your toddler is not used to sharing mommy with anyone. And now there is a newborn who takes up a lot of mommy’s time. After having the baby you can’t pick up your toddler for at least 2 weeks for a vaginal delivery. If you have a c-section it could be 6 weeks before you can pick up your toddler. Your toddler won’t understand why you can hold the baby but not them.
Your toddler may act jealous, upset, revert, or start acting out. They may begin to throw more temper tantrums than normal or lash out at the baby when the baby is born. When you’re pregnant your toddler may want nothing to do with the baby or your pregnant belly. Mine didn’t! She would get upset if I lifted my shirt and said she wasn’t excited about the new baby. Your toddler may also begin acting like a baby, speaking in a “baby voice” or wanting to play pretend where they are the baby.
If you’re wondering “When should I start preparing my toddler for a new baby?” I would recommend using your pregnancy to prepare your toddler for a new baby and spend quality time with your toddler. Let your toddler ask questions and talk excitedly about your pregnancy and the baby. You have 6-9 months (depending on when you announce your pregnancy to your toddler) to prepare your toddler for a new sibling, so make that time count!
How to Prepare Your Toddler for a New Sibling While Pregnant?
Use this list of things to do to prepare your toddler for a new sibling while you are still pregnant to help combat sibling jealousy when the baby arrives. These are all things I did when bringing my second baby home and they were so helpful!
Talk About the New Baby From the Beginning
As soon as you announce your pregnancy make it an often occurrence to talk about the baby. Hype the baby up. Make being an older sibling sound fun and exciting! Show ultrasound pictures to your toddler to make it seem more real. Tell your toddler how excited the baby will be to meet them. Go on and on about what a great beg sibling your toddler will be to the new baby. This can begin to get your toddler excited about the new baby. Try to make it a normal occurrence to include the baby in conversations throughout the day, that way your toddler can begin to get used to the thought of a baby.
Get Your Toddler a Book about Being a Big Sibling
Becoming a big sibling is a major change for most toddlers. As much as we as moms try to educate them and tell them what it will be like, it is easier for them to see what to expect. Getting books all about being a big sibling can be very helpful to show your toddler what it’s like having a baby around.
Also, starting a daily habit of reading now is a great way to bond with your toddler. It can help you when the baby is born if you’re nap-trapped or nursing the baby because then your toddler can sit next to you and can read with you. I have gathered a few affordable books from Amazon with great reviews that you can use to help prepare your toddler for a new sibling.
Books to Prepare Your Toddler for a New Baby
Give Your Toddler a Baby Doll to Prepare Your Toddler for a New Baby
This is a wonderful way to help prepare your toddler for a new baby. Give your toddler a baby doll to allow them to learn how to treat the baby. You can teach your toddler how to feed a bottle, burp the baby, change diapers, etc. You can also teach your toddler how to use gentle hands with the baby doll.
Include Your Toddler When You Get Things Ready for the Baby
It may take a lot longer to prepare things for your baby with your toddler’s help but it will make them feel so important. My oldest helped me “fold” all the burp cloths, receiving blankets and swaddles for the new baby. Yes, I had to refold a lot of them when my toddler went to bed. But the quality time we had together was so special and worth it! And she felt so honored getting to help me get things ready.
Note- Don’t let your toddler see you redoing the things they help you do. That can hurt them, redo anything that needs to be redone after they go to bed or during nap time.
Move Toddler to a Big Kid Bed ASAP
If your plan is to move your toddler to a big kid bed, do it as soon as possible. Especially if you are going to give the baby your toddler’s crib. You don’t want your toddler to resent the new baby because they took his/her crib. For example, instead of buying a third crib we took our toddler’s crib and gave her a big girl bed. We did this months before the baby was born so that the switch had nothing to do with the baby. Instead of setting the crib up in the baby’s room right away, leave it disassembled and give your toddler time to adjust to a new bed and then set the bed up for the baby.
Let Your Toddler Help Give the Baby a Nickname
We didn’t find out the gender of our third baby, so our oldest chose the baby’s nickname for the pregnancy. She wanted to call the baby “baby flower”, so that’s what we did. It allowed her to feel like a part of the process! It made her feel so special because she got to help choose the baby’s nickname. Even if you do find out the gender, you could allow your toddler to help choose the nickname of the baby before you have a name chosen. This could help satisfy your toddler so they don’t feel left out when it comes to choosing the baby’s actual name.
How to Help Your Toddler Adjust to a New Baby After the Baby is Home
You’ve spent your whole pregnancy trying to prepare your toddler for a new sibling and now the baby is here and coming home! What do you do now? How do you prepare your toddler for a new baby coming home? Check out these tips below!
Stick to Your Toddler’s Routine
I’ve realized after having multiple children that you cannot just bring a new baby into the house and expect your toddler to just stick to the baby’s schedule. There should be a compromise, yes, but you’ll also have to help the baby adapt to your toddler’s schedule. A great way to do this is to utilize a baby carrier for on-the-go naps. Maintain your toddler’s routine as much as you can.
Accept Help
I know it can be hard to want to accept help and you may not want to impose on anyone, but help is a necessity. Allowing someone to come take care of you and household tasks so you can take care of your children is important! Without any help it can be hard to prioritize time with your toddler(s) while taking care of your newborn.
After our third baby is born and my husband goes back to work my mom is coming to stay with us for a couple of weeks (praise the lord!!). She is coming so that she can help me take care of my toddlers if I have to focus on the baby or vice versa. Having an extra set of hands will make sure my toddlers feel 100% loved and not excluded or cast aside. This will also help me be able to prioritize time with my toddlers while someone else is watching the baby.
Create a Basket of Special Toys Specifically for Nursing
When you are nursing your baby, you will have time that you can’t play with your toddler and have to focus on the baby. That can cause sibling jealousy. Your toddler won’t understand that the baby needs to eat and you have to sit down to feed the baby. Create a basket of toys that your toddler can only play with when you are nursing the baby. This way when you have to nurse the baby your toddler has new and exciting things to do! Doing this can keep your toddler entertained while you are stuck sitting on the couch unable to move around much.
Tell Your Baby to Hold on a Minute
I know, how in the world is this going to help your toddler adjust to a new baby? But it works!! Just hear me out.
You will often have to tell your toddler to wait because you are feeding the baby, changing the baby, the baby is fussy, etc. So when you are spending time with your toddler and your baby starts crying tell your baby “Wait just a minute sweetheart, mommy is doing this puzzle with big brother.” Your baby will not understand what you are saying, but your toddler will! And your toddler will realize that they are not the only ones who are being told to wait constantly. This can help combat sibling jealousy in its tracks.
Include Your Toddler When Taking Care of the Baby
Let your toddler help with age-appropriate tasks when caring for your newborn. If your baby needs a diaper change, let your toddler grab the diapers and wipes. When getting the baby dressed, let your toddler help pick out what sleeper the baby will wear. This can help your toddler feel important and not left out.
Have One-on-One Time With Your Toddler
To help your toddler adjust to a new baby make sure you are still having one-on-one time with your toddler. It doesn’t have to be anything crazy like a 4-hour trip to the museum. But you can take your toddler to the park for an hour, cuddle on the couch and watch Mickey Mouse, do a craft, or go to McDonalds and get an ice cream cone. These are a couple of activities, but you could do anything! Have someone else who can focus on your baby so you can give your toddler undivided attention.
After my second was born my oldest and I would walk to the mailbox together to get some one-on-one time in the afternoons. It was a short 15 minute trip down the block and back home, but it was time that was uninterrupted and was not about the baby but about my toddler.
Talk Up Your Toddler To the New Baby
When you are talking to the baby and your toddler is within earshot go on and on about what a great big sibling your toddler is. Compliment your toddler to your baby, so that your toddler will know what a great big sibling you think they are. This can make your toddler feel so good about themselves and their new role as big siblings.
Give Your Toddler Grace
Everything has just changed for your toddler so they will need grace, but make sure to stand firm on boundaries. Don’t just let your toddler get away with inappropriate behavior because they feel like their world changed. Let your toddler know it is okay to be upset, confused, unsure, or even angry. But they also need to know that just because they feel this way doesn’t mean they can break the rules. If you allow inappropriate behavior in the beginning, it will be hard to nip in the bud when your toddler gets used to the baby.
You also don’t want to allow bad behaviors towards the baby, because you want to make sure that the baby remains safe. So if your toddler begins to lash out at the baby by throwing things, hitting, etc. you can give grace but also let your toddler know those behaviors are not acceptable. Tell your toddler we are not going to hurt baby brother or sister when we are upset.
How do I Introduce My Toddler to my New Baby?
This will be very family-specific. I’ve had some families who want their toddlers to come to the hospital immediately and meet the baby and others who want to wait until they get home to introduce the baby and toddler to each other. It also depends on what time of year you have your baby. For example, I am due with my third during flu season so there are visitor restrictions at my hospital. No one under the age of 13 is allowed into the hospital, so my children will have to wait and meet the new baby at home.
Whether your children are meeting your new baby at the hospital or home I would recommend not holding the baby when you see your toddlers for the first time. Have the baby in the pack-and-play at home or in the bassinet at the hospital. Love your toddlers and snuggle them, and then talk about the baby and show them the baby. This way the first thing they see when they see mom again after a few days is not mommy holding a new baby.
For our second baby, we couldn’t have visitors due to COVID-19. We made sure when we got home to arrive during our oldest’s nap time. When our toddler woke up we placed the baby in the pack and play and my husband went to get her from her room. That way neither of us was holding the baby when she first saw us. She got our full attention and we got to love on her like she was used to before even mentioning the baby. I think that helped her when we introduced her and let her hold the baby (with help).
Having a new baby can be a very exciting time! It can also be very stressful worrying about how your toddler will adjust to a new baby. Working with your toddler to help prepare them for a new sibling coming home throughout your pregnancy is so important and can help them adjust better when the baby arrives. Use these tips for how to help your toddler adjust to a new baby to help combat sibling jealousy. These tips all really helped us when we brought baby number two home and we plan on implementing these tips again for baby number three.
If you are needing a complete labor and delivery hospital bag checklist, check out my blog post here. This list is just the essentials, so you don’t accidentally overpack!
If you are looking for a list of postpartum essentials to gather prior to birth, read my blog post here.
Do you have any other suggestions or tips you would add to prepare your first child for a new baby (or second!)? Let me know in the comments!
Really helpful advice! Thank you. My kids are teens now but I remember introducing them to each other. Those early days are precious and doing it right makes such a difference.
Yes! It’s so important. And I think can make or break the early days with a newborn in the house!
It’s much easier if your toddler is a girl. My son was not happy with his baby sisters.
one of the most difficult times they love the little one yet just dont know how to act or react. Mom and dad have a job to do and better do it fast
I loved this post! Great tips! I used a lot of these tips when preparing my son for the arrival of his little sister 🙂
The article will be very useful for mother awaiting the arrival of another child. These tips are so simple yet useful making a huge difference in how involved a kid feel in their new sibling life.
We had a hard time with our oldest son after we brought the baby from the hospital. I wish I read your article earlier. Your tips will help many mothers!
I don’t have kids yet but this is really helpful for when I do! I love the idea of telling the baby to hold one a minute so that the toddler sees things as a lot more fair!